


never felt that type of fear before

by creativitea



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x10, Comfort, M/M, Soft Boys, Spooning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 11:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10216532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativitea/pseuds/creativitea
Summary: The risk of his heart in Magnus's hands is worth it, compared to the risk that would lie in keeping it hidden. He trusts Magnus with it more than himself, and he needs him to know; even if it's a bad idea. The risk of Magnus not knowing is worse than the risk of it being out in the open.





	

**Author's Note:**

> there are some changes in POV, but I tried to make the changes understandable with the setup; i hope it worked :)

 

So many downworlders, lifeless on the ground. 

For each of them that isn't Magnus, there is a shortlived relief (it's still a life taken, and he still don't know where he is), as he keeps looking for him among every dead or alive body in the building. He is nowhere.

The panic grows, and it's growing more unbearable every second. Magnus has to live. He was supposed to be the immortal one.

Alec can't lose him. He just can't. 

He always feared his heart would break if he dared to follow it; but not like this. This fear is unimaginable. 

Magnus could be gone. 

It feels like a horrifying preview to what the world looks like without Magnus,

and it just looks hollow. 

All magic of it gone. 

 

After searching every part of the building he could possibly be, he runs out, scans everyone passing him, but it all starts feeling blurry because this can't be happening.

He turns back to the institute. 

No.

This isn't fair.

_He didn't even get to tell him....._

 

 

A familiar hand grabs his arm, 

and Alec doesn't have to turn around to know;

it's Magnus. 

  
_Magnus, alive_, in front of him.

 

And Alec embraces him just to confirm he's actually there.

Breathes him in, the familiar scent of _Magnus_ making it possible to breathe again.

Clings on because he was terrified when he couldn't find him anywhere. 

But Magnus found _him_. 

Like he always does. Even when Alec tried to escape his feelings into a marriage with Lydia, Magnus found him and brought it all to the surface. 

And he's doing it again; bringing all of Alec's emotions to the surface.

Alec can feel the itch on his tounge, to speak what he's been feeling for quite a while now.

 

  
_"Magnus.. I thought..."_ Alec starts off, before he gets interrupted by Magnus explaining where he was. _"I found Madzie, I got out just in time, I got her to Catarina's. She's safe."_ It's like he's doing a mission report to him. Like he's trying to mend something between them, since the last time they talked was a fight(the fight doesn't even matter to Alec anymore). And while Alec is relieved to hear Madzie is in good hands, all that matters right now is that Magnus is there, and telling him what he needs to say to him. He needs Magnus to know, because he felt like he'd lost his chance to. 

 

_"Look...Magnus.. On any mission I've ever been on, I've never felt that type of fear. Ever."_

There is still anxiety in his breath as he tells him about it. 

  
_"Not knowing if you were alive or dead.._ " 

His breath is getting shorter again, the feeling somehow still having a grip on him even if Magnus is standing right there in front of him. 

_"I was terrified..."_

Magnus eyes soften, as does his voice when he responds _"So was I.."_ while he reaches out for his arm to comfort him. 

_"Magnus.. "_

Alec takes a few deep breaths, and his hand twitches a bit from the nerves that's bubbling up as he lets himself speak his feelings. _"I love you."_

 

* * *

>  
> 
>   
>  **_"I don't care what happens to me"_ ** he'd told Clary as she'd tried to reassure him she wouldn't touch the sword. It was true, it didn't really matter to him, he'd lived for so long anyway. But he was worried for the rest of the downworld, and so anxious about Alec. 
> 
> There was no doubt that his boyfriend was more than competent in his job, but this was Valentine. And the circle. He'd lived through the repercussions of their destruction before. 
> 
> Lost loved ones, countless times...
> 
>  
> 
> So as soon as he was sure Madzie was safe enough for it to be okay for him to leave, he had to go back to check on Alec. 
> 
> He recognized a familiar back before he even got inside. 
> 
> So he grabbed his arm, to make him turn, so he could see his face.
> 
> He only got to see it for a milisecond, though. Because as soon as his boyfriend turned around, he wrapped his arms around him. 
> 
> Magnus could feel the tension in him, which made him tense up a bit as well. 
> 
> (When Alec wasn't okay, neither was he)
> 
>  
> 
> Magnus makes sure to tell him as fast as he can where Madzie is so he wouldn't worry anymore. 
> 
>   
>  **_"Look, Magnus.."_ ** Magnus can feel his body tensing up a bit more, but more from his own anxieties this time.  As his boyfriend his telling him how terrified he's been (not just with his words, Magnus can still see how stressed he is), he feels the need to reach out to him. He'd asked Alec to open up to him when it gets bad, now he is, and Magnus just wants to make him feel like it's okay.   
> So he reaches out. With a soft grip around his arm, and with his words. _" **So was I."**_   he says honestly as a reply. He really was, terrified. Not for his own life.   
> But for everyone else's. For Alec.   
> (who always feels so responsible for everything, which Magnus admires so much, but he knows the world tends to be out of control,  
>  and he's seen it get to the better of Alec; and it was the most terrifying thing)
> 
>  
> 
>   
>  **_"Magnus.."_ ** There is an even stronger vulnerability in Alec's voice now, so a worried Magnus listens more closely.   
> He can sense how important the next few words will be, though he's completely taken aback with what words they are, as he hears them.  
>  **_"I love you._ "**
> 
> It takes him a few seconds to process it. Alec... loves him. He didn't expect this.
> 
> His head shakes a little bit, just in pure shock that this is the words Alec so desperately needed to say. To him. 
> 
> And then he replies **_"I love you too."_** , because _of course he does_. 
> 
> He's sensed these feelings in himself building up for a while now, but he's kept it within his walls. Too much experience loving first, loving alone, waiting to be loved back; being so terrified Alec would be one of them(that he would wait for him like a fool, just like with everyone else). But he's not.
> 
> Because he loves him. Alec loves him.

 

* * *

The silence after his confession isn't long, but it's terrifying enough to feel like it is. 

Maybe it's too much too fast, maybe Magnus will just think it's because he's unexperienced and rushes into things again, but Alec had to say it. 

The risk of his heart in Magnus's hands is worth it, compared to the risk that would lie in keeping it hidden. He trusts Magnus with it more than himself, and he needs him to know; even if it's a bad idea. The risk of Magnus not knowing is worse than the risk of it being out in the open.

But Magnus breaks the silence with an honest _"I love you too"_.

 

So Alec's lips rush to express themselves again; against Magnus's. Alec kisses him like he can only catch his breath again by stealing Magnus's. Magnus kisses him back like he's been waiting centuries to give him his breath back. 

(Magnus thinks he might have)

* * *

 

>  
> 
> They hold eachother as tight as their arms let them.
> 
> The grip tightens even more around Magnus, and Alec's shoulder gets tenser again. He starts shaking, Magnus tightens the grip. **_"I'm here, Alec"_** he reassures him. **_"I'm here."_**
> 
> He can feel Alec dig his face further into his shoulder as he starts sobbing, like he's trying to hide his vulnerability into Magnus's shoulder. His tense shoulders loosen up a bit, as he's letting it go, letting it out, but then they tense again; being overwhelmed by the crowd they're in the midst of.
> 
>  
> 
> So Magnus's hand wrapped around Alec's shoulder moves through is hair comfortingly (for the both of them) for a bit, and then moves to take his hand.
> 
>   
>  **_"Alexander, maybe we should find somewhere to rest?"_** he says softly enough for only Alec to hear him. He can feel a nod against his shoulder. 
> 
> Magnus waits until Alec signals he's ready, and then leads him into the institute with the hand linked to his. When they get past the front door, and Magnus is about to take Alec to his room(he figures the best place for him to rest is where his home is.), Alec holds him back and shakes his head softly. **_"Your place."_** Alec has the same idea, that he wants to rest where he feels at home. It just isn't where Magnus expects it to be.  
> 
>   
>  _**"Okay."** _ Magnus smiles, and makes a portal to take them there. 

 

 

* * *

Alec sits down on the edge of the bed, fiddling with his hands. Magnus sits down by the pillows, and taps  the spot next to him, signaling for Alec to sit there with him. Alec does, because being close to Magnus is everything right now. It's everything always. 

 

They get under the covers, fully dressed(well Alec removes his socks, but that's about it). Magnus wraps himself around Alec, like the big spoon, even if he is the shorter one.

Alec takes the hand wrapped around him and holds it against his chest for comfort. 

**_"I don't know what I would've done if you were gone."_ **

He blurts out. 

  
_**"You don't have to, Alexander."**_   Magnus comforts him. Holds him even closer. _**"I'm right here, safe, with you."**_

 

 

 

 


End file.
